March, April and May 2020

Hello everyone.

I hope you all are well and keeping positive. I hope you enjoyed the previous post which was posted. This counts as this is the second blog post of 2020.

I thought I’d start off the blog post with giving a mention to my late Nan, Miss Grandma K as it was her birthday at the start of this month in March. Sending my love to her.

Mental health is still carrying on from this month in regards to what has happened to Caroline Flack. It’s still so raw even just typing about it and the whole subject. Once again, I hope this is a reminder to let everyone know that you can’t go through having negative thoughts because it can destroy someone and their life.

On the 14th of March, I went out to my work do. This was my first first ever event of the year. I remember saying last year that 2020 will be the year where I’ll attend more events and have a social life despite not making much of an effort in the past so it’s like this time for me to have fun for once and just live life. Yeah, I went and saw my work colleagues. At first, I was so so nervous about attending. I even had a moment before entering. Everyone was so surprised when I turned up and I just thought “you know, why not? I think I’m going to have a good time” and I did. I still mean this to this day that I genuinely had such a good time going out and being able to celebrate. I smiled so much. I still remember that night. An amazing night to celebrate 25 years of my workplace.

 

 

Since my work event, this happens…..

Absolutely quiet. Not a single second. I don’t think either of us have ever experienced well especially for me since moving to MK way back in 2005. I’ve been there for 15 years this November. At first it was so weird that the city centre was quiet and nobody was seen. This is all due to the lockdown. Whilst taking that video, it was so sad to see because normally it would be so busy and filled with people and businesses being open. Never in my lifetime I have ever seen this. Especially where we are right now by currently staying at home but I keep saying to myself that I won’t talk much about Covid-19. That’s my aim I’m bringing into this blog so I’ll try my best not to talk about it as much. Hehehe. Despite it already cancelling my plans to go and see Alicia Keys in June as it’s been postponed for a later date in the year which I wasn’t very happy about.

On to the positive, I have learned how to cook and make: tomato soup, chilli con carne, fajitas and bread with garlic butter. Also in my spare time, I have been singing and doing covers on YouTube. As well as singing, I have been watching 90 Day Fiancé and as well as Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. This is my first time actually watching the show as I have been watching Atlanta and Potomac over the years especially as it’s BH’s tenth season so I thought why not especially as I currently have so much free time since the 1st of May after volunteering at my work to help out during these unpredicted scary times. Speaking of Housewives, I do like to watch it so that’s another thing you all now know about me. I’m now at the point where I can just watch what I want to watch without feeling any form of judgement about that. It’s better to be different than just the same.

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On the 15th of May, it was my late Nan’s birthday. This was her first birthday since she passed away back on the 3rd of October and was laid to rest on the 11th of November. For those of you who don’t know, I last saw my Nan in hospital and this is my Mum’s mum. She passed away a few days after. If you want to read my tribute to her, I’ll leave you a link at the end of this blog post. This was her first birthday since she passed and I have been going on walks since being put on furlough. It was sad and bittersweet even just being reminded knowing that she’s not here to celebrate and it still gets to me even just typing it right now. She would have been 77. One of my Uncles took it so hard so it’s still hard on all of us as a family. I went for a walk and it really gathered me together to keep me from being emotional as everyone knows. I am an emotional person and that’s ok. That’s because I care. None of you should never explain yourselves to people and a world who doesn’t deserve your originality. I found that walks are really good for me and my mental health and as well as having a peace of mind by not being overwhelmed by what’s currently happening right now in this world. We will get through this together. We will get through this trial together. Just remember this is a trial. We will have that normality back. Especially for us who have mental health. Every single person has mental health. We have all experienced this in some point of our lives and we still experience them to this day. It’s ok. It’s ok to be human and to have feelings especially having days where you don’t want to make an effort or just feel lazy.

I remember when I was growing up, I would be so excited whenever my Mum or my Dad came back from being out whenever me and my siblings would be in the house by ourselves. That feeling of hearing the key on the door as it’s about to open. You would know that you will feel safe knowing that they are there.

I went to have my first lockdown haircut and it felt so nice because I remember feeling so overwhelmed knowing that I can’t get my haircut done knowing that the barbers are currently closed. It just feels fabulous. Thank you to my Aunt who has done me the biggest favour. If she reads this, she knows who she is. Thank you Aunty. Here’s the finishing result.

I hope you all love and like. I couldn’t even tell you how much I was grateful for having my hair done during lockdown. Hehehehehe. In everything, you have to be thankful and grateful.

As we come to the end of the post, looking what has happened before lockdown and on how life was before everything changed. It’s really important during these times to reach out and speak to people and as well as that, this is the time to be productive and to think outside of the box. Think of what is happening as like a reset button. Who knew I would also learn cooking skills especially with making my own celery juice.

Celery juice is good for you.

I’ll see you all. Until the next post….

Here’s the links of those of you who are new to my blog and want to know about my late Nan… There’s two posts. It’s best to start with the August, September and October post.

https://voiceoftheautistic.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/august-september-and-october-2019/

https://voiceoftheautistic.wordpress.com/2019/12/19/november-and-december-2019/

January and February 2020

Hello everyone. Welcome to the first post of 2020.

We are officially in a new decade.

I know it’s a little late. I would like to wish you all a Happy New Year. For those of you who are new and reading for the first time, I welcome you to my blog.

Before making this blog post, I remember saying to myself that I’ll try and make this the realest blog post because I feel like you all deserve it and also as well as not reading but being able to learn something from it if that makes any sense. As always, I thank you all so so much for your never ending patience. It never ceases to amaze me. I appreciate you all so much.

Where do I begin…..

So much has been happening the past two months. I’ll take you way back to Christmas. My Christmas was quiet, I’m not going to lie. Still a bit raw from my Nan’s passing, it still doesn’t feel real. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. It’s just hard when you are celebrating but at the same time you can’t help but think of what could have been. Sometimes some things are out of our control, that’s the part of the journey of a book we call,  “Life”.

In good news, Boxing Day has made up of Christmas. I went over to my sister’s place and for one of my nephews, it was their first Christmas. Yeah, that’s right. My nephew Lorenzo celebrated his first ever Christmas. It was lovely to spend time and cherish that. I actually tried out pigs in blankets and my goodness, it was delicious. How I have never tried before in my 29 years until now. It’s never too late to try out new things.

Back to the present day…..

We are in 2020. A new year. A new decade.

I thought I’d start off something I normally put when it comes to the start of the new year. It’s been 8 years since my best friend Kirsty passed away. From those who don’t know, I first met her when I went to secondary school and we were classmates. That’s how our friendship came to be. I don’t regret that day ever since because I knew I would make a friend for life. I’ll try not to go too much into her last years. I still remember the last conversation I ever had with her. She’ll never ever be forgotten. I’ll always miss her.

On the 19th of January, my mum left to go to Ghana which meant I have to cope with the realisation of living by myself without my parents after 29 years. To be honest I felt sad and scared at the same time because I knew that this was for real but I have to give credit to her especially when it came to my upbringing for all of us to be independent and also to be encouraged and not fearful. The first days would be slow, lonesome and so quiet at the same time. I even cried inside knowing that she’s not here. Before leaving, my mum made sure that I have help from time to time as well as the visit every now and then from family and friends. Even just talking about this is making me all emotional. What I have learnt and still learning is not to take anything for granted. I do miss her cooking. Speaking of cooking, I have managed to cook bolognese sauce with help with my sister.

From the results of cooking spag bolognese for the first time, it tasted delicious and a real success. It made me feel like proud. A proud moment right there. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss my Mum because I do as I go through this stage right now knowing that she has gone abroad to start over in a new country and not having her assistance. I know that it’s for the better. I’ll never forget her lessons. Least she’s always a phone call away.

As we come to the end of January, the basketball player Kobe Bryant sadly passed away. He was with his daughter at the time on a helicopter.

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It was really sad when I heard the news especially knowing how it happened and it took me back to when I first heard of the singer Aaliyah and how she passed away. This is basically like the same thing. That’s what broke my heart especially watching Ellen and Jimmy Fallon’s tributes. My thoughts are with his family, wife and his children. It’s really genuinely sad and it still is to this day.

On the 1st of February, it was my late Grandpa’s birthday. I know he’s up there in the clouds with the sun beaming. I remember seeing pictures of when I last saw him at the hospital before he passed and I remember that day so well.

February has been a good month and that was because of the return of JLS after splitting up 7 years.

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For those of you who know me, JLS are more than just a group but they are genuinely role models. I would be teased and bullied over my support for them but that only made me stronger over the years. I’ve even made friends because of my support. That’s what the power of music does. It brings people together. The boys have taught me that it’s ok to be myself and not to be like every other boy who likes the basic things such as football and going down the pub. That’s the real honest truth right there. Music makes me smile so much and gives me positive vibes. Not many people know I actually auditioned on the same day as the guys but sadly I didn’t notice them. It took me until one of their VTs showed that they were there on my audition day. I’m so so happy they are back and they will be going on tour which I am so excited about. The best news is that I bought tickets for their upcoming tour called ‘Beat Again Tour 2020’ which starts in December. I’ll be going to their first London date with my older sister. I’m super super super excited.

I cannot wait. I’m literally counting down the seconds and days.

 

On a real note though, this month has really taught me about myself and especially what has happened to Caroline Flack which was and still so devastating to talk about. It can really threw me off a bit especially when I was told the news and I finished my shift. I couldn’t believe the news and it just wasn’t real. None of it was real. That’s what really hurt me the most because you could see her all smiling, bubbly and happy. Talking about it still is so difficult to talk about knowing that negativity can have such a hold on anyone to suddenly take their own life and that’s what still breaks my heart because no one deserves that regardless of any situation they go through.

She didn’t deserve this. Her family didn’t deserve this. No one deserves this. That’s why mental health needs to be taken more seriously. It needs to be taken seriously. It just takes me back and brings back painful memories as I have mentioned on previous blog posts over the years. I never thought this would affect me so much as well as being reminded of how it felt for me to be in that position where I was at my most vulnerable. Caroline does not deserve to die.

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It just broke me. It really did and still does. One thing to remember and learn from all of this is,

“Never ever let negativity win.”

If you ever feel upset, sad and overwhelmed, please just talk to someone you can trust and will never make you feel bad for opening up to them. All it takes is that first step.

I never thought I would open up as much as I would over the years and I’m thankful for that because everyday it makes me stronger by the day.

Please be kind.

 

I hope you have enjoyed this first post of the new year. Please like, share and comment.

Until the next post….

November and December 2019

Hello hello hello everyone.

It’s officially winter time.

Before I start off the post, I want to say thank you to everyone who has sent me messages and left comments about my Nan’s passing. I thank you and appreciate all your messages.

On the 11th, we had her funeral in Manor Park which is in East London. Before we went, we were to see her hearse for the final time and it was heavy and emotional. There was one time where I actually broke down in tears by making sure everyone is fine especially my Mum and my Uncle as well who was so close to her growing up and even to the day she passed. He was so close to her. It’s going to be tough knowing that I’m hurting inside and trying to be strong knowing that she is no longer here. I know whoever is reading this will be touched and can relate. It’s still tough to this day.

Later this month, I went to my sister’s graduation at the London ExCeL. She graduated in Social Care. It was so worth coming especially for my nephews being able to witness her achieving her degree and showing them if you work hard in this life, you can achieve anything you put your mind to.

As I’m sure you all know, we have recently had a election. I’m not one for politics but who is these days….

Though it may not have been the result we wanted, we shouldn’t give up or let it define us. Racism and homophobia will never win.

As we come to the end of this last post of 2019, this year been a mixture of ups, downs, unexpected. I’m thankful for the births of Jubril and my nephew Lorenzo, the two family weddings, my mum’s big birthday, my 29th, seeing Westlife for the first time in 21 years, my sister’s graduation and for the fact that Kelvin and Oti have won Strictly.

Let’s just talk about that…..

Me and Mum were watching and couldn’t believe our eyes when it came to the result. I knew they would win since the start. I know I’ll say this for the millionth time but Strictly is one of those feel good shows you can just watch and it brings out so many happy emotions. What is really inspiring is hearing those who have mental health and depression saying how the show brings out so much positivity for them. It’s powerful and incredible how a show can do that for someone who is vulnerable and looking for something good in their life to smile about. That’s the reason why I believe that the show is doing so well 17 series later. Speaking from experience, I remember being so down but when I watched Strictly, it lifted up my moods and actually made me smile like my cheeks would hurt when you smile too much but exactly like that.

This is the moment where they won.

Very well deserved indeed. I could just smile a billion times.

As we come to the end of the last post of 2019, what can I say? I started the year with full of hope. It hasn’t been easy, I can tell you. This year was just one of those years filled with unexpected moments though there have been good moments. All I can do is just be thankful as always for the lessons I’ve learnt along the way. As always, it’s good to be thankful and absolutely learn and also with the fact that life is too short and we all have to do stuff that makes us happy.

I know 2020 will be even better, I’m looking forward to starting the new year with happiness and celebrating my 30th, I’m very excited about that.

I wish all of you who are reading right now a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Here’s to 2020……

August, September and October 2019

Hello hello everyone.

I hope you all are as always well and enjoying the past two blogs I have posted.

Warning: This may be the saddest and difficult blog post I have written.

To start things off, it’s officially 2 years since I passed my practical test. I remember like it was yesterday. I can still picture it when I did the test and when it came to the end, I was filled with nerves knowing if I passed or not. Since then, I have been so thankful. Till to this day, I never actually thought I would actually passed. I’d advise anyone to when it comes to setting a goal, stick to it and never give up until you get the result you deserve.

This month I celebrated my nephew Ezra’s first birthday. It was also called Ezra Nation. It was lovely spending time with family.

As well as that, remember back in the first blog post of the week where I said that this isn’t the first wedding I attended to this year as you know there was not one but two weddings this year. The second wedding was Uncle Kaz’s wedding and this was in Tunbridge Wells, Kent. Once again we had an outside ceremony in a beautiful big piece of land in Wadhurst Castle. Altogether it was such a beautiful day. We partied and partied until the late night. The next day we had brunch before making our way back to our destinations.

On the 29th day, I went to celebrate my 29th birthday in Nandos with my mum and brother. As always, I’m thankful for another year added to my life and I can’t wait to see what Chapter 30 has in store for me.

On September, I came across news that a music producer called LeShawn Daniels passed away. If you haven’t heard of him, he made songs I grew up listening to as a child to the likes of Toni Braxton, Brandy, Michael Jackson, Destiny’s Child, Whitney Houston and Spice Girls. Here is one of his earlier works.

To happier times, I’m sure you know that Strictly season has finally arrived. My favourites this year are to Kelvin and Oti. My goodness, since that samba. They have completely won my heart and praying that they will win this season.

Another favourite of mine from this year’s lineup is Will Bayley. His couple’s choice dance completely made me into an emotional mess. I was so touched and moved whilst watching. If you haven’t seen it, be prepared to cry once more.

Over the past few weeks, I’m so happy that Motsi has joined the judging panel for this season. She actually brings life into the show. Some didn’t think it would work but they have been proved wrong. I always keep saying that this is both Oti and Motsi’s year. As those of you who don’t know, they are sisters. Everytime I watch them, I am just amazed by their talent. They both deserve all the recognition in the world and they both deserve to win in whatever they do. Whilst watching the series, I’m still in shock that Catherine and Johannes have left the competition so early. They were for me in my top 3. There was one dance number in the series I absolutely adore to this very day since seeing it on TV and is the reason why Strictly is the most successful show ever.

In the middle of September, I went to celebrate Kaylie’s fiance Mallen becoming 30 this year. It was so lovely of his parents to send me a invitation and welcomed me with open arms.

As we finally come to October, what can I say about it? Let’s just say it’s been a tough month. If I go into it, I’ll start feeling more emotional as I type this all up so it’s important that you all know why I haven’t been as active on here as I used to be. For that, I do apologise. It’s been the case of moving, grief and loss. It was really really tough. Days before, I went to visit my nan in hospital as she suffered a stroke and has been in hospital all this time since then. It was really scary and difficult seeing her in the state she was in. She wasn’t responding as much, just from the usual nod and loss of speech.

It was sad. Really sad.

It was just the worst month ever. I don’t even have words right now especially typing this for you all to read. It was like a nightmare. Days after that, she passed away.

 

May, June and July 2019

Hello, hello, everyone.

I hope you all are well.

Beginning with May…..

The exciting exciting news that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have welcomed a baby boy, Archie who was born on the 6th of May.

Looking at this picture honestly makes me feel so proud to be a Brit. I’m sure I’ve said it for the millionth time but it’s always important to be proud of where you came from and where you grew up. For me as a person of colour, I never thought I would see the day where a Royal would marry someone who is outside of their zone if that makes sense. Another pointer where it makes me sad when there is so much that is being discussed about Harry and Meghan and the lack of acceptance because of their marriage as well as bringing a child into a world where there is so much prejudice which is not really necessarily needed whatsoever. It honestly makes me so sad because they just don’t deserve any of this world wide attention. It’s just not right at all. What I would say to anyone who discusses about them in a negative way is to just let them live their lives instead of spending your time being so consumed with so much hate and destruction. My heart goes out to them and it makes me sad that Archie will grow up in a world where there is so much negativity. With negativity, you can turn it around by simply choosing love.

I went to an award evening for my brother’s football team. Met some of the players from MK Dons including the manager, Paul Tisdale. For those who know me very well including you all who have been following from the start or those who are new to the blog, I’m not one for football at all because it’s not something I’d follow as much but I get the odd encouragement but I rather stick to my music and singing. Most of all what makes me “me”. We’ll leave it like that.

It was lovely being there and being able to witness everything. It also made me think of how I want to achieve my dreams, ambitions and goals. I’ll say this but I’m very very thankful to have brought up in a household where I was told you can be anything you want to be in life as long as you work hard and fight for your dreams.

As well as that, it was also Mental Health Awareness Week. I’ve been through it myself before it was even discussed to this very day. I’ll say it and I’ll say it again. The power of talking can break down so many walls. It’s never any good bottling things up. I would encourage everyone reading this to talk to someone who you can trust and will never ever judge you and your situation. It can either be someone who is outside of your family who is a friend, stranger, counsellor or a colleague. I can remember the amount of times I have actually suffered by not speaking my truth and letting it all get to me where I actually felt so emotionally and physically drained.

Mental health affects all of us in every ways. Everybody’s journey is different.  It’s ok to speak up and never ever be afraid to take that first step to gaining your confidence and owning your life without anyone’s approval of how you should live your life. We will get through this battle together. Be strong, brave and fearless. Crying never ever makes you weak, it only makes you stronger.

 

Recently in May, I have watched a clip of a contestant who is autistic and blind. His name is Kodi Lee. I’ll let you watch the clip. From having the video, it’s really so inspirational and moving for me knowing that someone with a disability has the courage to apply for a international talent show by just putting themselves out there for the world to see unaware of people’s judgement. I remember watching X Factor way back in 2009 when it was at its best with Simon, Louis, Cheryl and Dannii. There was a contestant called Scott who also has autism and was brave enough to perform to an audience in front of thousands of people as well as the judges. It was again so inspirational and also made me very aware that all of us as individuals have talent that is just waiting to be shared with the world. I have the upmost respect and admiration for those who actually do this. We have dreams in this life and it’s how we achieve them in order to get the recognition. It’s all about the platform. I’m thankful that shows like X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and The Voice UK can show people who are not aware of disabilities for them to learn about their story and background and how they have become the person they are today because of their talent and also to teach a lesson to us all that everyone is different and unique in their own way. It’s beautiful how when it comes to talent, people like Kodi become so confident in themselves to step out of their comfort zone. It’s very rewarding and inspiring to us all.

 

I’m sure you all know that on the last post of last year, I have written about going to see Westlife in the O2.

That time finally came. It was a beautiful day and I went with a friend from secondary school who I haven’t seen for like 15 years. This was my first time going to one of their concerts. I remember watching their music videos when I was 8/9 way before technology came and took over. Hehehehehe. Those were the times. I would be up and watching their music videos on the music channels. The earliest memory I had was when I watched the “My Love” video, I would go all giddy about it. It reminds me of the Backstreet Boys’ video of I Want It That Way.

Anyways back to the concert, it was everything I would imagine for the last 19 years like I never thought I would be able to be in the same room as them performing their hits. Being at the concert reminds me of how I’m at my happiest when I’m out and about but as well as that, my love for music and singing. At a few points, I was watching them and thinking to myself how lovely it would be for me having my own concert and performing my own songs for the audience to come and witness. I had those dreams when I was a child just imagining and wanting to have that dream become a reality. It’s like everytime I sing, it makes me the happiest I’ve ever been and that still counts to this very day. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t sing and this is the truth. There is not a day.

I loved their Queen medley of hits, I mean come on Queen is one of those bands that their music will live on for many many generations. If you haven’t heard of Queen, you need to go on YouTube and you’ll be completely blown away. They really do have good songs. Also another favourite part of mine in the concert was when it came to the finale and “Flying Without Wings” was being sung and I can just say this, Mark’s high notes at the end completely took my existence. Goosebumps and chills everywhere. It was like everything you would want it to be. It was just simply incredible. I have nothing but props and the upmost admiration.

 

In the middle of July, I celebrated my mum’s birthday. I spent three days in a golf estate place in Daventry. It was very monumental and special indeed with friends and family. There was one time where we didn’t even have a presentation video so I had to start from scratch, it took alot of time but I got through it and succeeded. We had speeches, food, laughter and tears. It’s just so inspiring knowing what my Mum has gone through to be where she is today and you can see that with everyone attended by how much she is loved especially being blessed 6 decades later. As you can see from the pictures and videos, Mum was living her best life and enjoying every single minute of this lovely spectacular three day birthday weekend.

 

March and April 2019

Hello hello everyone.

I hope you all are well and I thank you for your patience as we come to a brand new blog. It’s been busy busy busy for me these days but I haven’t forgotten about you all. Again, I thank you so much for your patience.

To start off the blog, March has been one of those days. I would like to start with International Day of Happiness. What is happiness? That is the million dollar question. Happiness is something we all want out of this life. Without it, you’re not living.

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” That’s from Albert Camus.

Another quote I love is this one,

“Happiness is holding someone in your arms and knowing you hold the whole world.” – Orhan Pamuk.

Happiness is something we all strive for day by day, it can be a hobby, an ambition, the love of self or the love of family and friends. It can be many things. A day without happiness is a life wasted. In everything, always be grateful for what you have instead of wishing what others have whether if it’s good days or bad days.

As well as that, we also celebrated International Women’s Day. It is a global day of celebration in recognition of the valuable contribution women made and are still making in society. In everything, I’m thankful for the one woman in my life and that is my Mum. I always appreciate her wisdom and inspiration as a person. As well as that, I’m grateful for her strength. I salute every women for their sacrifice in making a huge difference in their lives of their loved ones and in society at large. Thank you for empowering the next generation. As well as that, there’s two women in the public eye who are inspiring in my eyes. That’s Beyoncé, Michelle Obama and Meghan Markle.

Image result for beyonceRelated imageImage result for meghan markle

Whilst in March, there has been a tragedy in the news of Mike Thalassitis taking his life. If you don’t know him, he first found fame in 2017’s series of Love Island. When I first heard the news, I was so sad and it also made me think about how there are so many people who don’t know the highs and lows of fame and stardom when they enter into reality tv and how the public will perceive them. It’s just so sad to think that someone so young would think that suicide is the answer to their problems. As you can tell, he has so much to give but it wasn’t meant to be. I hope that Mike’s death will make us men talk about our emotions and feelings. It’s so damaging how there are so many men who don’t ever speak up about how they truly feel because of the standards of today’s society compared to past years. In my experience, I know how it feels when you don’t fit in and everyone expects you to be the same. To be honest with you, life will be dull if we were all the same. I hope this is an example to tell everyone that it’s ok to ask for help and remembering that you are not alone. My message to you all is that just talk to someone who you can trust about how you’re feeling. This could be a family member, friend, colleague or a confidant.

Please speak up.

Image result for mike thalassitis love island

 

In April, I went to a family wedding in Wolverhampton. It was a beautiful day. The ceremony took place outside. This was my Uncle’s wedding. This wasn’t the only wedding I attended to this year. It was magical and beautiful at the same time.

 

As well as that, it was also Autism Awareness Week where everyone can understand the meaning and understanding of autism as there are so many who don’t understand or have a lack of awareness about the disability. I have made a video of me and my journey of my highs and lows of autism and also spreading encouragement who are going through the same thing whether you are young or old. The one piece I would give to anyone is that being different is ok. Autism is like having a superpower and we are all talented in our way. Like me with my love of music, singing and writing. Here’s a video for you all to see though I would like to make one little note. I know I’m not alone in this. I’m not one for looking myself when it comes to videos of myself, please tell me I’m not alone in this. I hope that on the video you will be able to learn something from it. I do apologise for closing my eyes in the video as I’m sure you can understand my shyness. At the end of the day, it’s important to be you and not to be anyone else.

 

On a lighter note….

As we have come to the end of the post, the most important thing is by being able to speak up especially about mental health as it affects every single one of us. I knew I had it when I was in school before it was even aware and talked about. What I have learnt is that I have come a long way and I’m still walking to where I need to be. I’m stronger and I’m a fighter. We will all win in this journey called life.

Remember speak up. Never ever bottle things up.

Until the next post….

 

January and February 2019

Hello, hello, everyone. How are you all doing?

Apologies once again for the delay.

I hope you all have had a great start to 2019. Wishing you all a Happy New Year once again.

To start off with the blog. In the beginning of every year reminds me since Kirsty passed and how she was unexpectedly and violently taken away from her little girl and family. It always reminds me that she’s not here though it still hurts to this day In everything I do, I hope to make her proud because she would want me to be proud and be happier in myself. I will fulfill that.

Especially with these past few days, it’s been a journey. It hasn’t been easy. I can tell you that from experience. Learning how to be honest and real with myself and to think it’s ok to feel different. You don’t have to be stereotyped into a category or a box where you don’t fit in. I’m human like everyone else. I don’t tend to be perfect because I’m not. Perfection is really overused and overrated. This year for me I’m going to learn how to love myself and step out of my comfort zone, that’s what we are all meant to do in this life. It’s so encouraging and empowering when people say that they’ll put themselves and their happiness first. That speaks to me because this is something that I haven’t done in a long time because I always put others first before myself. I want to be happy in myself for the first time in my life.

I have had a conversation and it took me back to being creative as those who don’t know, I write my own songs and I used to write scripts. I remember being 14 or 15 at the time and I would be typing up songs and scripts for my own TV comedy show and it just made me smile. It made me think I can do anything if I can put my mind to it and that’s what we are all meant to do especially as there are days at work where I just want to be a singer because music is something I always love to do and still do to this day. We all have dreams in this life and we are meant to go for them regardless. Reach for the stars as the saying goes. It doesn’t matter about age or experience. If you have got it, you got it. You need to believe in yourself despite the knocks and the rest will follow through. This all takes me back to when I auditioned for X Factor way back in 2008. It’s still nice that people I know tell me to still audition. If you heard me sing, you’ll be shocked in a good way. I’m not totting my own horn. Hehehehehe. I would say expect the unexpected.

I have some news. I’m going to be an uncle again. My eldest sister is going to have her third child and the due date is going to be early Summer 2019 so around July. I’m going to keep the gender a secret. I’m so so excited. I can’t wait. With all of these pregnancies that have been on the news, this is the year and season for babies. It just makes me smile and emotional every time i hear good news. It really is. Anyone being a parent is the most beautiful thing. I have total admiration.

Our extended family welcomed a new arrival recently, we are blessed with a baby boy they so I went down to visit him 2 days after. Last Sunday the baby was finally named. He’s so adorable.

In the first two months of the year, I have learnt a lot of lessons and I’ve also learnt that life is too short to care what anyone thinks. I feel like this is the year where I can be truly happy and not have to live in fear. Everyday I’m just so thankful for everything I have because not many people have that. I believe that in everything it’s always good to show gratitude in everything and to always be thankful. Day by day I’m learning. I’m thankful for the love of my family, friends and my colleagues.

As we come to the end of the first post of 2019, we are all meant to have dreams in this life and just be happy with ourselves even if others or anyone doesn’t agree. Life is meant to be lived and for the special rare moments.

May this year be the year you want it to be. May it be the year of happiness, love and joy.

Most importantly, the year of self love. It’s time to love yourself and be happy. May all of your dreams and desired ambitions come true. I genuinely believe this is the year.

My advice to you all is that if you have a dream, anything is possible when you put your mind to it.

Until the next post….

October, November and December 2018

Hello, hello, everyone.

I hope you all are enjoying the last few days of 2018.

I first wanted to start off the blog with the news that I’ll be going to see Westlife next year in June at the O2 in London and not only that, there will be two family weddings. I can’t wait.

On October, there was World Mental Health Day. It can affect anyone. You can be the loveliest person and still have times where you feel overwhelmed over the littlest of things. It just spoke to me personally especially with years of being bullied and not fitting in because of how today’s society is where if we all lived in this world being the same person, it just wouldn’t be fun when we are all born to stand out and be different. To be honest with you especially speaking about this to you all personally, it hasn’t been easy for me. There are times where I get overwhelmed but learning through talking to people whereas I had that with my colleagues, you feel so much better and especially talking to my mum and sister. It was nice to have an actual conversation of how I’ve been feeling lately and their advice for me was really spot on and still holds dear to my heart. I’ve learnt it’s ok not to be ok. If something is on your mind, just talk to someone who you can trust and you’ll feel so much better for it.

We are all not made out of steel, we have something inside us and that is what is inside the heart. That is the most valuable thing. It’s ok to feel down from time to time. We are all human. We have good days and bad days. Just speaking about this now is making me learn so much of what everyone who I know has said to me. One of them being ‘You can’t hold things in all the time, you just need to let them out.’ That really resonated to me especially because in the past, I used to hold in a lot of things I wanted to say but was worried about what other people taught as there were times where I would feel so drained for not talking about it and that for me was like a wake up call.

No-one is perfect in this life. We all have our differences and that’s what makes us all unique in our own way. As long as you’re victorious, you are already a champion. Remember that always. The battle is never over. As long as you talk to someone, you are making progress before you know it without you even realising it. We will win this battle by marching together in unity and speaking our truth and to show today’s society that we are fighters. You are never alone.

I was doing my evening shift at work and all of a sudden, I get a surprise from a customer who I helped out earlier this year. This time they came back alongside with two managers giving me an award in person themselves. I didn’t have any words to say. I was honestly so touched by their gesture and kindness. They even said that my work and service should be acknowledged because of it. That really made my day honestly.

I had a lovely Christmas with family. We had Mac and cheese with lobster, potatoes with gravy, vegetables and lamb. I got myself a gift card, a huge box of Dairy Milk and money as well. Altogether it was a nice Christmas. Not forgetting it made me think of those who don’t have shelter and are battling through to see another day, it’s just so sad about how there are those who are vulnerable and feel like they don’t have a voice. As I keep saying every year, you should always be thankful of your surroundings because not many people have that. In life, you have to be grateful for every situation. Good and bad. At the end, it makes you stronger.

As we come to the end of the post. My oh my, what a year 2018 has been: with my three nephews Ezra, Nathaniel and Kendrick being born, the union of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, seeing Torvill and Dean perform live, World Cup 2018 and England making it far than they did by reaching to the semi finals, being nominated for my work on Voice of the Autistic, celebrating not only a family member’s 50th but my mum’s surprise birthday. Last but not least, being a witness and seeing my best friend Kaylie and her fiance Mallen engaged. As well as there being sad times with the passing of Kaylie’s dad Tom. As I write all of this, I reflect back last Christmas which wasn’t such a pleasant experience due to negativity and constant drama whereas this year, I feel like I’m learning to be strong and learning to be independent. With writing, it’s like I can just pour my heart out instead of carrying so much baggage around and as well as that but being able to have the power to talk about things that I wouldn’t normally talk about that would affect me. So with 2019, I hope to be happier in myself and be brave. I feel like I deserve to be happier instead of pretending to be what society sees me because I know who I am inside and that is enough.

Before you all jump into conclusions, this isn’t a new year, new me but more of a new year, the same old me. The same old fabulous me. I start 2019 with a blank page and looking forward to what the 365 days bring me along the way. I’m excited about this journey. Bring it on…..

On another lighter note, I would like to say I hope all of your Christmases went well and wishing you all a Happy Fabulous New Year. May 2019 be the year you want it to be and more. Anything is possible when you believe and put things into practice.

Here’s to 2019….

 

August and September 2018

Hello, hello, everyone.

Hope you have all had a lovely summer before the start of the new school year.

I thought I’d start off with the sad news of Aretha Franklin’s death. I remember hearing ‘Say A Little Prayer’ at a family wedding and I just thought her voice was incredible. She had so much to give and then I discovered that she did a duet with George Michael and looking back at her songs such as Think, Respect, I Knew You Were Waiting, Chain of Fools and Natural Woman. It’s a shame that music lost an exceptional talent.  I also remember hearing ‘Respect’ when I was 15, that was the first time I have ever heard her music. I watched X Factor back then on the series Shayne Ward won in and a contestant sang it. I just thought, that is what you call talent. I thought to myself… Wow!!

I think that’s one of the many reasons I wanted to sing and love music. For those who know me, I have grown up listening to music and I just knew that it brought a smile on my face and also music has the power to make people feel good and happy. It’s incredible how a song can take you to a time and a place you first heard it. I’ll never forget her remarkable and incredible talent. She will be sadly missed.

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For my birthday, I decided to have a quiet one this year. I had pizza and a chocolate cake. I just decided to chill this time round. Other than that, it was lovely. It’s even got me thinking about my 30th, only two more years to plan it all out. By that time, I would love to be happy and living my best life. I’m full of excitement about it. Anything can happen if you put your mind to it. Positivity is key.

I was on my shift at work and I got a call, it turns out I had been nominated at my work for my dedication at work and for creating an autism awareness page. This recognition took me by surprise. I was so happy. What was really overwhelming for me was whenever I was around at work, I kept getting well wishes and congratulations from my colleagues. That to me was special. I never thought this would actually happen from all that time when I got accepted to Prince’s Trust training course to securing a permanent job that I would get recognised. It’s just amazing and humbling all at the same time. I’m honestly touched by those who have made this happen for me. What I’ve learned is not to take anything for granted.

Luckily enough, I also got invited to a breakfast event in Welwyn Garden City. I also got to meet fellow colleagues who had gone above and beyond the call of duty to make a difference not only for the customers but for the business as well. Some of the stories are really truly inspiring and touching. When you are in a room with people who have done incredible things whilst going about their day to day life to help others, there’s nothing that can top that and it’s also made me think of how lucky I am to be where I am now. Since taking my job, I never thought people in a top business would see the potential in me and especially giving me an award based on me creating awareness on autism with this platform. I have been given to pour my heart out and share my experiences. That’s what makes this whole experience worthwhile. I’m thankful.

June and July 2018

Hello! Hello! Everyone.

I hope you are all as always good and enjoying the beautiful weather we have been having recently with the sunshine and the heatwave.

First of all, I just wanted to say since posting the previous post, I have received so much love and support from my colleagues at work and have been so overwhelmed and grateful. Just speaking about this right now is making me tearful and happy. At the same time, knowing that this is the reason why I wanted to write and create my blog in Voice of the Autistic. Being able to share my experiences of life on the autistic spectrum and for you to be inspired, encouraged, read and learn something from each post, that’s everything I could ever want. Just knowing that I have your support and love is really humbling. I’m always appreciative of your support and want to thank each and every one of you all for standing by me. I’m taking this opportunity to welcome those who are new to my blog, stay tuned. I appreciate and love you all very, very much.

First things first, the World Cup. What a journey it has been. Not one for football at all but I’m happy how it’s brought people closer. This is our reaction of when England scored against Colombia through penalties. In all the years, I have never ever experienced so much anxiety and nerves whilst watching the game, it’s like I couldn’t even breathe. That’s how it was and the fact that England were going to lose at that game was very worrying. The unexpected happen. Here’s the video to prove it.

Then a week after on Wednesday the 11th, myself and the family went to our local Wetherspoon to watch the England v Croatia game to experience the atmosphere in a public place instead of watching it at home. It was nice to share that moment with the punters who cheered at the goal and near misses. Altogether, England did us all proud. It’s all thanks to Mr Gareth Southgate. As a non football fan, it was lovely to see everyone smile and come together in support for not only football but the support of England. Not forgetting the time where we scored 6-1 against Panama.

World Cup 2018 was one to remember for sure.

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Image result for gareth southgate

On the 26th of July, I celebrated my mum’s birthday. We went to London. She spent a day at the Spa and this was a gift from myself, my sister and my dad. After work, myself and my brother made our way to London to meet up with my mum and sister. The four of us checked at a London hotel and then we went to The Big Easy, an American restaurant in their rooftop garden in Canary Wharf. I would recommend that you try their Lobster Mac and Cheese. During our time together, this is what happened….

Coming back to London, riding on the London bus and feeling the buzz of Oxford Street and Aldgate brought back memories of my childhood. It’s a reminder for me especially having been a born and bred Londoner. London has always had a special place in my heart, that’s real talk. For me as a person, it’s home. That’s something that will always stay with you no matter where you are in life.

As we come to the end of the post, I hope you all are enjoying August so far. As always, don’t forget to share and spread the love and awareness.

Until the next time…